Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
