I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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