sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
