i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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