If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
