i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
