He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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