she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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