We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Who died my cat blue again?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
