don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
