her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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