I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
