i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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