Well apparently he's into motor boating.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
