bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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