not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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