You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
