making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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