There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
