still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
