I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
too bad you live with your parents still
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
