If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
