pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
