I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
