"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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