I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
