i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
