It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
