He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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