At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
