I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
