Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
