I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
