I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
