Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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