capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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