I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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