I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
