I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
