So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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