it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
