Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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