I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
