Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
