she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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