I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
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i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
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Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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