what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
