The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Hippo gnu deer
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
