so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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