You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
