Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
