JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
