He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
