just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
