Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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