screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
