what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
