you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
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