It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
