the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
