Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize