never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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