I wannas sexs uuuuu
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
