opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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