i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
