I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
