I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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