May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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