It's like God shit irony all over that family
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
