The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
