I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
