it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
